Part 1 : The Version of Me People Are Used To
Lifestyle, Personal Growth
This is my first post in seven years.
I didn’t write for a long while. Not because nothing was happening, but because too many things were happening all at once. I was in survival mode. And when you don’t yet know how those stories end, it’s hard to put them into words.
This year I turned 45. For the last 14 years, I’ve been living in full-on mom mode, raising two very energetic boys, and only now are they independent enough that I’m starting to have the space to think about myself again.
Back then, my biggest goal was to just keep them alive.
Now I’m in a season of having meaningful conversations to raise kind humans.
Over the last 14 years, I found myself taking on a title that defined me.
I’m a basketball and lacrosse mom. I’m the one in athletic wear almost every day, filming or cheering from the sidelines while my kids play sports, Tae Kwon Do, etc and I genuinely love that time. I even joke that “my hobby is watching my kids do their hobby.”
As well as being an ahjuma (an old Korean woman).
In mid-July, I did a photoshoot with celebrity photographer David Suh. The experience itself was really, really special. And about a couple of weeks later, I got the photos.
I was nervous even while I was downloading the files, and
the moment I opened them, I just froze.
I couldn’t immediately put a name to what I was feeling. The first thought that ran through my mind was, “I can’t post these.” And the very next question that followed was, “Why?”
I hesitated for a while. (2 weeks to be exact.) I almost didn't post the pictures.
Not because I don't like it. Because it was very different than the version of me people are used to seeing. I created an inner image of what a 45 year old sports mom was supposed to look like.
No one ever directly said, “You have to dress like this or act like this.” But I ended up putting myself in a box.
What I actually felt was that these photos didn't match the title.
And then I had a realization that made me think I HAVE to share these.
I run a marketing company. The core of my work is helping other people stand out among their competitors.
I build systems that help people get noticed, get booked, and stay remembered. And honestly, I think I’m pretty good at it. It’s what I get paid to do.
But ironically, when it comes to my own business, I hide behind my titles. I do everything I can not to stand out and to blend into the crowd.
So I need to give myself some new titles: CEO, Boss Mom, Visionary. I feel this photo embodies these new titles, and it gave me the courage and the push to share it.
After the photoshoot, at dinner, David shared something. It was so good, I recorded him. When he first said it, I didn't fully understand what he meant, but it was something I kept coming back to. Then I got the pictures, and it totally sank in. I'll continue in the next post.
